dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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