is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
