I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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