piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
