think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
