Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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