me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
