they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
