My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
