Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
