Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
