So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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