Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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