flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
