I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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