The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
