I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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