Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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