He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
