all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
