every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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