This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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