How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
