they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
