i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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