is your mom at the bar?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
