I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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