Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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