"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
