is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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