after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
