Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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