I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
