pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize