All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
