Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
