i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
