what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
