theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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