Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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