well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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