More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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