You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
