ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
