Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
