matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
