do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He passed out mid-signature
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
