I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
