I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
