Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
