I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
