you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
third nipple confirmed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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