Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
