New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize