I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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