So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
