I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize