Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
