She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
