My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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