He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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