i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
