You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
