Christians are straight up FREAKS
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
