Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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