oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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