your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
