Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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