ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
