dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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